76 Twitter Size Film Reviews: from 1-27-15 to 1-16-16

My mom came to visit me over the summer and I watched a bunch of old Asian Monster movies, so there are a bunch in this batch. These 76 reviews span the period from January 27, 2015 to January 16, 2016, and are listed in chronological order (the order in which they were originally posted).

I have been tweeting these sort of short 140 character Movie Reviews since I first joined Twitter. I have alternated between taking great pride in boiling down a complex opinion about something to a short, but thoughtful tweet and feeling lamely self-important about it.

Anyway, may I present to you… 76 Twitter Size Movie Reviews:

#MonsterSquad – totally forgotten how high the body count was, no wonder it is a treasured cult film for so many 80s kids.

#Experimenter – if any film was going to break my decades long boycott of #Sundance I am glad it was this. Fascinating and close to perfect.

#JupiterAscending – if I said it was cheesey, ridiculous, over the top, and laughably acted, that wouldn’t necessarily mean I didn’t like it

#NeverCryWolf is one of those precious few films I watch at least once a year purposefully, and if I can’t find my copy I just buy it again.

#TopFive – if Chris Rock were a less self-conscious actor it could be a legitimately great film, as it is it is only really, really good.

#SeventhSon – in a word, “painful.” But it probably has the funniest performance by Jeff Bridges ever.

#KingsmanTheSecretService – more like #FiftyShadesOfAwesome. In a real fight Kingsman would win hands down, or tied behind its back, whatevs

#TheLastFiveYears – lovely, heart breaking, and full of true.

#TheBabadook – not really a horror movie, but scarier than most horror movies, and Essie Davis is super fanastic as the mom.

#Chappie – well, I guess we now know why Blomkamp signed onto Alien 5 so quickly before release.

#Paddington – sweet and charming, without being cloying, with the feeling of timelessness that could make it a classic.

#Willow – I don’t remember why it tanked originally. It holds up extremely well for what it is, certainly better than the Hobbit movies.

#GarfunkelAndOates – started out really rough and uneven, but found its rhythm and voice very nicely by the end of the eight episode run.

#GoingClear – nothing new or groundbreaking really, but I am sure interesting to those that have not looked into this stuff in the past.

#KingKongLives – it is really the only possible sequel that the 70s Kong movie could have had. Plus, it starred Linda Hamilton.

#Furious7 – it is a strange feeling realizing how emotionally engaged I have become in such a silly and dumb movie series, but there you go.

#SkeletonTwins – a movie that is only palatable because of its performances, all of them wonderful.

#HotTubTimeMachine2 – basically the Nega-Back to the Future. Made no sense, but looked fun to make. Clark Duke should be in more stuff.

#ExMachina – crazy good. Thoughtful, smart, interesting, and ultimately unsentimental. Basically perfect.

#AvengersAgeOfUltron – probably the weakest of the MU films (not counting the Thor movies, and 1.5 of the Iron Man movies and Hulk 2).

#TheBluesBrothers – for better or worse the movie that introduced my generation to the Blues.

#Mortdecai – Jock Strap > The Vision. Also, the movie was surprisingly not bad. I could sit through it and a sequel with little discomfort.

#MadMaxFuryRoad – seriously, if you’re not sure about seeing it, let me know and I will go, too. With as many of you as necessary.

#McFarlandUSA – wish it was maybe more about the struggle of the kids and less about the coach, but still a pretty good watch.

#GodzillaFinalWars – a monster sized kitchensink of a movie. It had pretty much every Toho Monster ever, including the Emmerich-Zilla.

#GodzillaMothraAndKingGhidoraGiantMonstersAllOutAttack – that title pretty much sums the whole thing up nicely.

#GodzillaVsDestoroyah – probably the goriest Godzilla film in the entire pantheon. My mom loved it.

#GodzillaAgainstMechaGodzilla – Godzilla is on a rampage, so a robot Godzilla built from a previous Godzilla’s bones is sent to fight him.

#GodzillaVsGigan – Godzilla and Anguirus have a tag team battle against Gigan and King Ghidora at a Godzilla theme park. Seriously. I swear.

#GodzillaVsMegalon – Monsters got standardized sign language. Megalon is a giant Lady Bug with drill bits for hands and Jet Jaguar rules.

#JurassicWorld – none of the sequels are as good as the original, but this is the first to push the premise forward in a substantive way.

#MysteriousIsland – the reason why I expect every movie about lost island castaways to have giant chickens, bees and other monsters.

#SanAndreas – basically a Roland Emmerich film without the charm, intelligence, humor or deep characterizations of a Roland Emmerich film.

#ClashOfTheTitans – the story of a man and his love for a flying horse and the beautiful princess that comes between them. And a robot owl.

#GodzillaVsHedorah – called Godzilla vs the Smog Monster when I first saw it as a child. Stylistically stands alone in the whole series.

#AttackOfTheMonsters – my favorite Kaiju films are like this one, adventure stories where giant monsters are a boy’s best friend.

#PaulBlartMallCop2 – succeeds at being exactly what it is – a light, slapsticky comedy with some heart. Wish there had been more #MiniKiss.

#InsideOut – finally a Pixar film that didn’t need a villain in order to amp up the stakes. The inherent drama of childhood was enough.

#GameraTheBrave – seriously, the closest thing to great filmmaking that a Man in a Suit movie has ever approached. I teared up at the end.

#WarOfTheGargantuas – the way the evil green gargantua would eat a tiny person ,and then spit out their clothes gave me nightmares as a kid.

#LatitudeZero – charisma 18, but FX 7. Also, Cesar Romero is the best crazy bad guy evil genius ever.

#TheMightyPekingMan – whenever I am down, I just remember that someone was paid to make this and hope lives again. Also, Evelyn Kraft.

#Inframan – quoting my #82YearOldChineseMum: “I love these kinds of crazy movies. I don’t know why.” I totally agree with her.

#TheSearchForGeneralTso – the secret origin of American Chinese Food. It is on Netflix now.

#JusticeLeagueGodsandMonsters – Holymoly…. man, sooooo good. Actually, more like brilliant. Definitely worth seeing.

#Minions – see it for the soundtrack, everything else is moderately fun, but the soundtrack is awesome.

#AntMan – probably will end up being the most passively rewatchable of the Marvel lineup, and I mean that as a compliment.

#Hercules – #My82YearOldChineseMum didn’t care for it. She didn’t think the actor was pretty enough. She is a big Steve Reeves fan.

#TheLandThatTimeForgot – the practical puppetry work on the monsters was super clever. Doug McClure had a pretty fun run in the 70s.

#AtTheEarthsCore – seriously, Doug McClure movies in the 70s were like the Big Trouble In Little China proto-run, and he was Jack Burton.

#PulpEmpire – a kinda brilliant, if not completely successful, deconstruction of #EmpireStrikesBack via re-edit as a Tarantino flick.

#BarelyLethal – could’ve used about 300% more @RachaelAHarris, but that is true of all movies. Other than that it was better than expected.

#Cooties – the cast really makes the admittedly gimmicky premise work. Funny, scary-ish, and a little bit objectionable.

#Poltergeist – not as masterfully executed or as surprising as the original, but it does have more character nuance with great performances.

#TheRatRace – Liam Neeson has to get through the ball pit, arcade, salad buffet, pizza kitchen, and kill the bad guys while saving the kids.

#HotelTransylvania2 – kinda felt like Genndy Tartakovsky was on autopilot. Lacked a lot of the clever inventiveness of the first one.

#TerminatorGenisys – not completely terrible, and more memorable than the last two, even if pretty incomprehensible. Arnie was on point.

#TheMartian – the kind of movie you hate because you can only see it for the first time once.

#Pixels – so bad… just, so, so bad… yet… still strangely entertaining. But, don’t be mistaken, seriously bad.

#Tremors5Bloodlines – Burt Gummer Lives!!! #netflix

#ManfromUNCLE – sitcom characterizations on top of wafer thin plot on top of surprisingly lackluster direction. Super disappointing.

#LastWitchHunter – could’ve been awesome if it was, you know, a bit less incomprehensible.

#Legend – Tom Hardy can act twice as good as every other actor.

#Brickumentary – very interesting, and even though I have no practical interest in Legos, I get why others are so passionate about them.

#IpMan – Donnie Yen is a beast. It is super hard to make Wing Chun not look completely ridiculous, but he ably pulls it off.

#IpMan2 – probably has the strongest emotional core of any Chinese KungFu movie I have seen, and I have seen a lot. I mean a whole lot.

#Krampus – you should definitely take your kids to see this. Not scary at all, I swear. Honest. And your kids will be good for xmas after.

#TheRidiculousSix – I can’t help but feel that all the reasons for which Johnny Depp is praised are the reasons Adam Sandler is vilified.

#StarWarsTheForceAwakens – I’m mostly a fan thanks to overwhelming cultural peer pressure, but even I cannot deny that Abrams nailed it.

#ScoutsGuideToZombieApocalypse – mildly clever and fun. David Koechner only needed one more zombie comedy in 2015 to pull a hat trick.

#Creed – I was blubbering by the opening title.

#TheGoodDinosaur – fun and affecting as a kids’ movie, massive fail as sci-fi alt universe world building.

#TheSantaClause – a man with personal issues comes into possession of a magical suit that gives him powers – at the cost of his soul. #Venom

#TheCowboys – the right actor in the right role in the right movie at the right time.

#Pan – Objectively: a fun, okayly done adventure. Subjectively: is Hook doing an impersonation of Karl Urban’s McCoy from the new Star Trek?

#TheHatefulEight – if ever a movie was begging to be done as a stage play with an all kid cast, it is this one.

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