Twitter Reviews: from 9-1-13 to 4-10-14

I have been tweeting short 140 character Movie Reviews since I got on Twitter. I have alternated between taking great pride in boiling down a complex opinion about something to a short, but thoughtful tweet and feeling lamely self-important about it.

This set of reviews span the period from September 1, 2013 to April 10, 2014. There are 52 of them and they are all in chronological order (rather, the order in which I tweeted them).

And now, may I present to you… A Bunch Of Twitter Movie Reviews:

#TheGrandMaster – dreamy, complex, and contemplative film about a man whose art was defined by being quick, targeted and powerful. #kungfu

#Riddick – Vin Diesel + outrageous storyline + vicious man-eating alien creatures = I have horrible taste in movies, but am ok with that.

#Gravity – 3/5 brilliant, 1/5 cheesy, and 1/5 “where did Sandra Bullock get all that make-up in outer space?”

#MacheteKills – ridiculously ridiculous, just way, way over the top. It looks like it was a total blast to work on. Kudos to the chef.

#LoneRanger – a ton of fun marred by tonal inconsistencies, odd stylistic flourishes and an odd framing device.

#EscapePlan – only really has any fun when Schwarzenegger is on screen, the rest of the time it is a bit laborious to sit through.

#BadGrandpa – The kid was hilarious, but will probably need years of therapy to come to terms with everything they had him do in the movie.

#Turbo – so conceptually insane it can’t help but kinda work in a weird sorta way. Also, snails eat tomatoes?

#MonsterBrawl – brilliant idea executed with an unfortunate lack of energy or self awareness. I miss the WCW glory days.

#KillEmAll – a kinda low budget cross between Blood Sport and Saw. That should sum it up both objectively and subjectively.

#IDeclareWar – great concept, but much darker and self important than it needed to be.

#ThorDarkWorld – I really wanted to be more critical of it than I am. It was just a lot of fun. Could’ve used 10 more mins of Eccleston.

#EndersGame – the compressed timeline hurt the characters and story, but as far as big budget adaptations of beloved books go, it’ll do.

#BountyKiller – the way low budget genre should be done, with vision and personality, solid acting, and great technical execution.

#CZ12 – this is the Jackie Chan that I love and miss, goofy, action packed. Not like the majority of his American films which had no soul.

#Expendables2 – Positives? Charisma Carpenter. Negatives? Everything else. (To be fair, though, I only watched the first 20 minutes.)

#ManOfTaiChi – seriously, the best martial art movie about martial arts since Fist of Legend. Also, Keanu Reeves makes a great bad guy.

#Homefront – one of those movies in which all of the actors bring their A game to a Z script.

#AlanPartridge #AlphaPapa – pretty much just an excuse for Steve Coogan to be really funny with a great supporting cast.

#TheAmericanAstronaut – like a rock-a-billy musical directed by David Lynch. In other words, completely awesome.

#EscapeFromTomorrow – as a technical exercise it is kinda miraculous, but as a narrative it is really lame.

#Bunraku – aesthetically ambitious on a budget. Kind of a cross between Moulin Rouge and Dick Tracy, with a little bit of Sin City mixed in.

#BigAssSpider – a mediocre low-budget monster film helped by exceptionally charming performances, decent FX, and competent camera work.

#JourneyToTheWest – At this point it is obvious Stephen Chow has no interest in appealing to an US audience, and that is a beautiful thing.

#OddThomasMovie – I wish more film adaptations were done as conscientiously, Loses some of the Koontz voice, but keeps all of the heart.

#Anchorman2 – if not for the plot grinding all of the funny and energy to a halt, it could’ve been a great sequel.

#ShrekTheMusical – much better than the movie. Like tons better than the movie. Of course, I didn’t like the movie, but… much better.

#47Ronin – the fact that is is a colorful big budget Asian Sword and Sorcery Epic helps overlook a lot of its weaknesses as a movie.

#47Ronin – Keanu may stand out more than all of the other actors, but he will always move like a big slow white guy.

#AmericanHustle – another romance pretending to be something else from David O. Russell. Not as good as I hoped, but still better than most.

#GreatGatsby – much like its titular hero it has charm, vision and ambition, but also tries too hard and comes across as a bit desperate.

#WalterMitty – doesn’t hold up to critical scrutiny, but it worked for me. Just beautifully, lovingly, perfectly executed – warts and all.

#AboutTime – doesn’t quite work when it is trying to be a romantic comedy, but really resonates when is it actually about time.

#WolfOFWallStreet – I relate more to the travails of Bilbo Baggins than I can to these characters, but still… Martin Scorsese.

#InAWorld – my favoritest movies are never high concept or bleak dramas, they’re light comedies full of quirky fun performances, like this.

#GrudgeMatch – I think it’s safe to say that I have questionable taste in movies, but just two words: Alan Arkin. ‘Nuff said.

#JackRyanShadowRecruit – one of the best character establishing prologues I have seen, the rest of the movie was pretty much by the numbers.

#MonumentsMen – so much charm and easy good will that you forget it’s a War Movie about saving the world’s greatest art from being lost.

#Robocop – surprisingly thoughtful & well considered take on the more human ideas found buried in the awesomely insane, overthetop original.

#Pompeii – as if someone took Gladiator and Titantic and dropped them in a blender together, and then poured that straight into Final Draft.

#3DaysToKill – not great, but Besson fills his B-class actioners with enough goofy personality that they are rarely a total waste of time.

#NonStop – Dour. So very dour. Though it comes alive a bit towards the end. #thelittlegirlisthebadguy

#KnightsOfBadassdom – a movie in which the overabundance of commitment and awesomeness of the cast almost make up for the played out premise

#InsideLlewynDavis – I loved it conceptually and execution-wise, but story and character-wise, I found it cold and unmoving. Kinda like life

#300RiseOfAnEmpire – much funnier than Meet the Spartans.

#DeliveryMan – you know what, I love Vince Vaughn. I am not ashamed of that. Not that much at all. I also like Adam Sandler. So… anyway…

#TheGrandBudapestHotel – beautiful and delicate and energetic and perfect.

#Divergent – more like “unvergent”, amirite? Actually, not as lame as I expected, but the 12 hour running time felt a bit excessive.

#MuppetsMostWanted – I love Tina Fey.

#Noah – I think it’s kind of a Masterpiece. I think it’s pretty much perfect. I think it’s a beautiful story well told. I really loved it.

#CaptainAmericaTheWinterSoldier – not just a great superhero movie, or a great Marvel movie, It is a flat out great movie in general.

#Sabotage – the filmmakers have done a lot to like here, unfortunately, creating a single likeable character was not one of them.

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