Twitter Movie Reviews: from 4-14-12 to 8-28-13

I have been tweeting short 140 character Movie Reviews since I got on Twitter. I have alternated between taking great pride in boiling down a complex opinion about something to a short, but thoughtful tweet and feeling lamely self-important about it.

This set of reviews spans the period from April 14, 2012 to September 28, 2013. There are 94 of them and they are all in chronological order (rather, the order in which I tweeted them).

And now, may I present to you… A Bunch Of Twitter Movie Reviews – Part 2:

Chimpanzee – some sorta prequel to Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The CG was fantastic, but Buzz Lightyear’s narration was pretty listless.

The Avengers – it probably suffered a bit from over hype for me, regardless I saw it twice, so… that is probably telling all by itself.

Dark Shadows – it’s like Tim Burton doesn’t even care anymore?

MIB 3 – I’ve missed Barry Sonnenfeld. His movies may not be masterpieces, but they’re quirky and fun. And Josh Brolin is unbelievably good.

Prometheus – Shallow characters driven by a Philosophy 101 plot, but it looked great and when it worked it worked. Charlize Theron was hot.

Moonrise Kingdom – on one level it is about the way life should really be, on another level it is about the way life really is.

Moonrise Kingdom – lovely, heartfelt, pretty close to perfect.

Madagascar 3 – it seems the overriding theme of these films is that no matter where you go, you will never be happy.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – what it lacks in the cleverness of the book, it more than makes up in insane over-the-top vampire action.

Brave – Moms and Daughters should see it together, and then afterwards have a long talk, possibly in front of the bear cage at the zoo.

Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows – amazing how much charming star performances and kinetic action can help a deeply generic and boring plot.

Amazing Spider-Man – not nearly Spider-Man 2, but not at all as bad as I expected.

Step Up 3 – shut up, it was on TV and I have no life. The battles needed clearer judging standards, the actors needed more acting talent.

Dark Knight Rises – Nolan totally nails the ending, does anything else matter in it?

Beasts of the Southern Wild – not sure I really understood everything it was trying to be about, but it was beautifully and lovingly crafted

Total Recall – better than expected, but missing the original’s cheesey charm. Kinda like if The Killers covered Alice Cooper’s School’s Out

It’s Pat – undeniable proof that Lorne Michaels has too much power.

ParaNorman – surprisingly tender hearted and lovingly animated, with a real moral rather than a shallow platitude. Plus, a great soundtrack.

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold – aesthetically and sensibility-wise Morgan Spurlock is the kind of artist I wish I was more like.

Raiders of the Lost Ark in Imax – I had seriously almost forgotten had wonderfully wonderful it is. It stands in a class all of its own.

Resident Evil: Retribution – my love for these films is indefensible, but in my defense hot women killing monsters is pretty compelling.

Dredd – nails the character, lacks some of the satirical edge of the book, but not really missing it. Brutal and gory action, great 3D.

Looper – everything I hate about time travel stories, everything I love about movies.

Hotel Transylvania – more Genndy Tartakovsky than Adam Sandler. If you are going to make a movie with no new ideas, this is the way to do it

Argo – Tense, funny, and surprisingly nostalgic, with a ton of great solid performances. Will probably end up my favorite film of the year.

Cloud Atlas – cheesy and obvious, nuanced and sincere, beautifully made, all while being a lesson on the genericity of movie story structure

Wreck-It Ralph – weirdly, I have no real negative criticism of it, the voice performances were fantastic, but I just didn’t care for it.

Wreck-It Ralph – Don’t aspire, just enjoy the company of friends – friends who hated you just last week before you aspired to be more.

Skyfall – It felt like the first truly, fully British Bond film yet. Also, my eyes welled up at the beginning of the opening title sequence.

Lincoln – beautiful and emotionally satisfying, still suffers a wee bit under the Spielberg filter though. Daniel Day Lewis was wonderful.

50/50 – sooooooo shallow, and filled with endlessly selfish characters. Hipster music soundtrack is no replacement for real emotion.

Silver Lining Playbook – full of characters that are both broken and comforting. Wonderfully predictable and unexpected at the same time.

Rise of the Guardians – the animation and voices are a bit uninspired, but the story is fun and ambitious. Could be a new holiday perennial.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – A bit long and wonkily paced, but it is Middle Earth and Martin Freeman is perfect as Bilbo.

Les Miserables – ambitious and bold, possibly not up to the full challenge. The star-casting is a bit mixed, but Anne Hathaway shines.

Django Unchained – I generally only appreciate Tarantino films on a technical level, this is the first in which I cared about the characters

Rififi – so solid, so brilliant, though I would kinda like to see the Coens take a swing at a remake.

Holy Motors – I feel like, at a fundamental level, it is saying the same thing as Cloud Atlas, but is much more honest and successful at it.

Holy Motors – It is like the spiritual twin to Cloud Atlas, but it is the less desperate, more attractive and self-confident twin.

The Bourne Legacy – kinda like an extended, slowly paced pre-credit sequence for a far more interesting movie that we don’t get to see.

This is 40 – way too long, it felt like the Heaven’s Gate of Dramedies, but super likable cast made it bearable.

Zero Dark Thirty – I find movies “based” on real events problematic, and this is no different. Still, technically & emotionally it delivers.

The Last Stand – definitely a Schwarzenegger movie, even if he has maybe lost a step. Gotten a little stiffer. Developed a bit of a paunch.

It’s Shatner’s World – funny, sweetish, occasionally insightful, and never boring, but ultimately it left me feeling very sad.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – not as awful as I expected. Jeremy Renner is still the blandest Action Star ever. Dont pay full price.

Goon – surprisingly tender and heart felt, even more surprisingly smart. How can Seann William Scott go from this down to American Wedding.

Warm Bodies – succeeds effortlessly by not trying to be anything more than it is, a simple old fashioned love story with a bunch of zombies.

Side Effects – kinda unfocused and clunky until the third act where it gets real targeted. Still, even weak Soderbergh is better than most.

Wrath of the Titans – it’s like the filmmakers don’t even know who Zeus is.

Escape From Planet Earth – the clean, simple, colorful animation is the perfect counterpoint to the muddled, incomprehensible, inane story.

Jack the Giant Slayer – mostly forgettable adventure movie (actually forgot what I was watching while watching). Ewan McGregor doesn’t age.

Hearts in Atlantis – I have only watched 10 minutes, but they have been an execrable 10 minutes.

Oz the Great and Powerful – really loved it. Almost perfect blend of the combined source materials (books/film) and Raimi’s own sensibility.

#GIJoeRetaliation – completely inappropriate in this post Zero Dark Thirty world… jk. Big, loud and dumb. Seriously, what’d you expect?

#BeautifulCreatures – the best southern accents were from Emma Thompson and Jeremy Irons, that should pretty much explain everything.

#SpringBreakers – walks the fine line between execrable and art. It is like a film directed by Bizarro-Terrence Malick.

#OlympusHasFallen – so awful, yet so good. Completely over the top action cheese. It is like the Gouda of really dumb action films.

#Admissions – tries to do more than it is prepared to handle and almost pulls it off, but not quite. Exquisitely cast.

#IronMan3 – this is weird to say, but I really liked it, but didn’t enjoy it as much as I did IM2, which I actively disliked. Go figure.

#Pain&Gain – possibly the best Michael Bay movie ever made, by a long shot. Definitely be first in line at Red Box when it comes out.

#StarTrekIntoDarkness – I think I prefer New Trek to Old Trek, due mostly to the pure visceral fun of it all and lack of pretension.

#Epic – I am kind of a pushover for stories with really tiny people carrying swords fighting off insects and flying around on small birds.

#AfterEarth – A lot of aesthetic choices I would disagree with, but not as bad as I expected. Shyamalan always way overthinks everything.

#Hangover3 – it is like a comedy made by people that don’t know what a comedy is. Or by the French. One of the two.

#TheIncredibleBurtWonderstone – it is only incredible when Alan Arkin is on the screen, the rest of the time, not so much.

#JackReacher – I liked it. All of the fights were short and to the point, with just a touch of crazy under the surface, just like Tom Cruise

#ManOfSteel – a bit more violent and self-serious than I would prefer. Conceptually some real smart choices, though.

#ThisIsTheEnd – seriously, a minor miracle. This movie should not work as well as it does, nor be as charmingly offensively funny as it is.

#WorldWarZ – A lackluster action blockbuster with poor special effects that doesn’t get interesting until the 3rd act. The book should sue.

#HistoryOfFutureFolk – lovely, tons of heart, great music and performances, ten times the movie of any blockbuster I’ve seen this year.

#SoundCity – super uncritical, shallow, and narcissistic until suddenly it becomes a fun look at real rock stars making real rock & roll.

#Birdemic – pretty much everything I expected it to be, and possibly then some.

#WhiteHouseDown – it is best summed up as: a Die Hard film as made by Roland Emmerich. This is both objectively and subjectively true.

#NowYouSeeMe – Burt Wonderstone had a better grasp of how magician culture works, but still, lots of fun performances and nice twist ending.

#EvilDead – lacks the full on Sam Raimi sensibility, but still enough fan service to tie into the original in a mildly satisfying manner.

#PacificRim – just several megatons of robot and monster clobbering fun. You are dead inside if you’re critical of it for not being more.

#Sharknado – had more compassion and concern for the innocent citizenry than Man of Steel. A more emotionally satisfying ending as well.

#MonstersUniversity – nothing groundbreaking, Pixar isn’t the studio they were pre-Disney, but they can still deliver on the warm fuzzies.

#HereComesTheBoom – if Kevin James never makes a better movie that probably isn’t an embarrassing thing for him. Bas Rutten was awesome.

#TheWolverine – tons better than the last one, but there is still a long way to go to getting a seriously great Wolverine movie.

#Furious6 – a big heaping pile of pop action pablum, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

#RIPD – kind of a cross between #MenInBlack and #Ghost. Kinda not good, too. Jeff Bridges rules tho, and I’m in love with Mary Louise Parker

#Gallowwalkers – kinda nice having an undead western where you aren’t sure what the rules are, but it might’ve tried to make more sense.

#Oblivion – surprisingly better than expected. Nice to find under the same old Tom Cruise performance some really interesting ideas.

#Elysium – sometimes, when dealing in metaphor, subtlety and nuance is preferable to a bloodstained baseball bat with nails sticking out.

#KickAss2 – tries really hard, but can’t quite maintain the energy, self-confidence, or commitment the first one had. Jim Carrey is great..

#SolomonKane – surprisingly decent first two acts, but kinda falls apart in the finale. Max von Sydow has startlingly piercing blue eyes.

#WereTheMillers – Jason Sudeikis is such an unlikable screen presence, and worst as the lead. Plus, Jennifer Aniston’s face can barely move!

#iSteve – I suspect that it will be the most intellectually honest of the Jobs films, if not the most factually correct. Also, hilarious.

#IronSky – nothing like I expected, more than I could’ve hoped for, just filled to the brim with uncompromised goofy from beginning to end.

#WorldsEnd – better than Hot Fuzz, doesn’t quite reach the heights of Shaun of the Dead, but has a ton more things going on under the hood.

#Parker – it was no Jack Reacher, that’s for sure. Does Statham have an even harder accent to explain than Schwarzenegger and Van Damme?

#TheDicator – kinda like the untalented bastard child of Zohan and Borat. I mean the really, really, really untalented bastard child.

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